Behind the Scenes of Code Geass
by Andrew A. Anderson
Summary: The Code Geass gang are all actors making a TV series. This is the gag reel of all the mishaps that were cut from the final show. Parody, multi-chapter oneshot. T for language.
1. Chapter 1 - Pleasure Fish

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A/N: Hello, it has been a while, hasn't it? This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter oneshot and I hope it goes alright because...well...I only have...one shot. BADUM TSS...

Pun aside, this story will be about what would happen behind the scenes if the Code Geass characters were live actors making a TV series. I might also reference some Code Geass memes, so meme up before reading! Essentially, this is a parody. Enjoy!

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Chapter 1 - Pleasure Fish

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"I will proceed to pleasure myself with this fish. Wait, what?!"

"What, what?"

"I mean what, as in I'm not saying that!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kururugi, but that's the script. We did a direct translation from Japanese, and sometimes the internet likes to do strange things."

"I'm still not saying that! Can't we change it to something normal?"

Suzaku Kururugi stood shirtless on the shores of Waikiki Beach, Hawaii. Cradled in his arms lay a large fish, shiny and slimy. He looked down in horror at the creature in his arms.

"But Mr. Kururugi, that's the script! We try to stick to the original Japanese as much as possible!"

"I don't care! I'm not saying that stupid line! No bestiality here!"

"Whatever you say...take 5!"

"Rolling...and...action!"

Suzaku mentally prepared himself for the traumatic lines he was about to deliver to the rest of the nation and the world. Code Geass, as the show was called, was set to be one of the most popular anime series of all time, due to the popularity of the manga.

"I will proceed to pleasure myself...shit-!" He threw down the fish into the sand and stormed off in a rage.

"Cut!"

...

Jeremiah Gottwald was in his orange trailer sipping on a cardboard juice carton. Next to him sat an orange garbage can, filled to the brim with discarded MinuteMaid orange juice cartons. Someone knocked on his door.

"What's the password?"

"Huh?"

"The password!"

"I don't know!"

"Take a guess."

"Uh...yellow?"

"It's orange, you dim-wit!"

"...orange."

"Granted!"

The director's assistant stepped into the trailer and took note of a nearby case of orange juice cartons.

"Gottwald, you're on set in fifteen." He looked at Jeremiah "Orange" Gottwald, then the garbage can, then at Jeremiah. "What are you doing?"

"Getting into character?" He offered. He slurped the last of the juice, then tossed the empty carton into the air. It flipped several times before landing in the garbage bin, next to the other empty cartons.

"Score! Two points for Orange boy! That's his fourteenth basket of the night, folks! Whee, I gotta take a piss now."

"Alright..."

...

Kallen held up the ridiculously thin scrap of clothing and glared at it. They were filming the first episode of the new season. She was to play a waitress in the seedy casino where the other Black Knights would meet her. Much to her dismay, she was to wear her costume for quite some time after they escaped.

"If I ever get my hands on the costume designer, I'll-"

A nearby shuffle of feet told her someone was behind her.

"Tamaki, you creep! Get out of here!"

"Sorry! I went in the wrong-"

"The sign says female! Dammit, can't you read?"

"Director wants you out in five minutes! He says to hurry up with the suit!"

Kallen stepped out of the changing room, holding a pair of bunny ears attached to a headband. Tamaki oggled at the sight.

"Heh...you're a bunny girl now? So much for Kallen, Ace Pilot of-"

Kallen was on top of him in an instant, pummeling his face into the ground. Security had to call five guards before she relented her blows.

Tamaki was sent to the hospital in critical condition, delaying the release of the English dub of the anime by two years.

...


	2. Chapter 2 - Powder Wig Allergies

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Chapter 2 - Powder Wig Allergies

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"Alright guys, I think that's enough filming for now. Lunch break!"

The actors scattered from the stage and made their way over to the large tent under which their pizza was delivered.

"Damned Pizza Hut endorsement. I swear, if I have to eat another slice of this crap, I'll die within the first few episodes." Clovis remarked to his brother Lelouch.

"Don't worry, if you have to eat another slice, I'll help you with that." He took a bite of the glorious pizza.

"Hah."

C.C. walked over to both of them and grabbed a plate of..._salad_.

"No pizza, C.C.? You're supposed to love that stuff."

"Only in the show. They have me eat it so much in every scene that I'm starting to get sick of it."

"You don't say!" Clovis dropped his plate in mock surprise.

"Besides, me and the rest of the girls have a swimsuit scene coming up next week too."

"Fanservice much?" Lelouch mumbled in the middle of a bite.

C.C. scoffed. "Yeah, tell me about it. Ha, fanservice. At least I don't have to wear a bunny..."

She paused as Kallen walked past them, still in her bunny outfit. She turned to look at the group who had obviously just stopped talking about her.

"...suit."

"If you guys have something to say, spit it out."

Lelouch gulped, swallowing his food.

"Uh...how's Tamaki?" He asked nervously.

"Would you like to visit?" She raised a fist.

"Nope!"

Kallen shook her head, or bunny ears rather, and continued on toward the changing rooms. Lelouch leaned over and whispered to Clovis.

"I really don't understand what's so provocative about a bunny."

"You don't understand what's provocative about anything! You're like...asexual!"

"I am not! I have had several make-out scenes with several different women! At one point, the fanbase was all into Lelouch x Harem!"

"You have the directors who orchestrated that to thank!"

"Oh give me some credit!"

"Yesterday you said Euphie was your first love right after you shot her. She's your sister, dammit. That's disgusting. Have you ever made out with anyone besides your sister? And I'm talking about without the help of a director."

"Yes, I have! And I'll have you know it was quite fabulous. It was just the other day, when we got back to my place, me and C.C. were...uh...I mean..." His voice grew weaker under C.C.'s intense glare. She grabbed the back of his head and slammed it into the pizza. His bleeding nose mixed in with the tomato sauce.

"Eat your pizza, featherweight."

"Eat your salad, fanserver." He grumbled back.

Clovis just watched the two in awe.

"Whoa...so...you guys...are...on a scale of one to chameleon, how much tongue was there?"

"WHAT?!"

...

"Help! I'm kinda stuck here..."

"Cut! Dammit..."

Suzaku hung upside down, dangling from his wired harness. They were filming one of the multitude of scenes where Suzaku unleashed his infamous "Spinzaku" kick, as dubbed by the fanbase. In reality, he could barely jump five inches off the ground.

The solution? Wires.

"And...action!"

Suzaku was yanked into the air with a yelp, where he hung upside down, once more.

A random cameraman shouted at the hanging figure. "Come on, Suzaku! I thought you would be used to being tied up after dating Euphemia! Er...that's not what I meant..."

"No, that's exactly what you meant," Suzaku retorted, still upside down. "And no, I haven't gotten used to it."

"Suzaku Kururugi!" Just then, Euphemia stormed on set wearing a revealing dominatrix outfit. "What have you been telling them?"

"Euphie, I'm filming now! And why the hell are you wearing my stuff?"

The wire operator whispered to the safety technician next to him. "That's his stuff? Why does it fit her so well? Unless..." The safety technician produced a bag out of thin air and ducked behind a control console. Retching noises echoed throughout the studio.

"Because my outfit is still in the washing machine, you idiot. Thanks to you, I can't get that funny smell out."

She pointed the back end of her whip at the dangling man.

"You are _so_ getting tied to the bed tonight."

"Uh...ok..."

She stormed off set, leaving a confused camera crew, a disturbed director, and a stunned Suzaku.

The director's mouth hung open for quite some time as he stared at the retreating form of Euphie. After a long silence, he spoke.

"Her clothes...you...huh? Are you a-"

"NO."

...

"All men...are not...created...ACHOO!"

"Cut! What the hell, Chuck?"

"I'm sorry, it's my allergies! I'm-ACHOO!- allergic to the powder in the wig."

He removed his ridiculous wig, which resembled something the old British monarchs might have worn, were he a few centuries older. As he set the wig down, puffs of white powder erupted from it, sending irritating dust particles into the Emperor's lungs.

"God...I hate this wig. ACHOO!"

"Excuse you. Now, can we just get this one line over with?"

"But why? Can't we just put up a still image of my face then have me read out my lines separately? Then we can stitch the two together!"

"No! This is a live-action TV series, not some half-assed dub! What kind of TV series would it be if the characters' mouths didn't sync with their voices?"

"Rgh...alright."

"You'd better get used to wearing that wig! Your Emperocket scene is coming up!"

"Fun...wires and wigs...my two favorite things."

"Cameras rolling...and action!"

Charles strolled up to the throne where he began to deliver his mighty speech.

"All men! Are not! Created...ACHOO!"

"Cut!"

"GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT." he bellowed.

Chuck threw his wig at the camera, where it sent off more dust particles upon impact. He sneezed for two minutes straight.

...


End file.
